Twins, Why Me?

I really can not remember how or why I ended up at St James’ hospital  having a scan alone, minus my very supportive and heavily involved husband, but what I do remember and shall never forget is the moment there was a ooh,  2 heart beats comment.

I felt my world come crashing down around me. I cried, I wailed and generally felt very sorry for myself to the point the nurses would not let me leave the department in fear of my mental state. I didn’t want to have to replace my car, buy a double buggy and more importantly possibly grow to the size of  a baby elephant.

It was only after a quick phone call to my mum and a very stern talking to that I suddenly realised I was in sat in the early pregnancy unit surrounded by other women desperate to be told their scans would show healthy, even viable pregnancies. I should have been much more considerate, having been sat their myself only a year earlier.

At this point, I had spoken to my husband,  who’s only response was silence followed by an almighty crash which I can only think was him hitting the deck. Now you must understand, we had two wonderful children already and I had heavily persuaded my husband how lovely it would be to have just one more.

I also feel it is here I should add we really didn’t think our chances of having any more children was possible due to an ectopic pregnancy the year before which involved loosing a fallopian tube.

Anyway, my head was spinning about issues that now seem so materialistic and unimportant. As my mood calmed and the tears were under control I was released from the hospital.

On reflection of that pivotal day in our lives, the tears and hysteria were from a real sense of fear of the unknown and being totally out of control.

As the months passed and I grew, this transformed into a real sense of wanting to embrace the challenge and succeed with flying colours.

I don’t know if I ever really did this, maybe somedays, but what I do know is that those two heartbeats were the best thing that ever happened to our newly evolved family.